Am I that easy to forget???? I have been having memory problems for awhile, the other day I couldn't rememember the word short term, so I was saying immediate memory problems, putting words that kind of desribe what Im trying to say, I do that alot, and I'm not normally that way I love writing and I'm normally pretty witty. I have had anger outbursts that I never use to have except towards myself. I had a horrendeous 2 months, I thought I was tramitized as a child, and I was, that feels pretty minimal compared to the last 8 weeks could be longer, who keeps track of time??? I'm putting things in wierd places, now we all do most of this stuff once in awhile, and as we age maybe more but this is, wayyyyyy more. I've wanted to blame medicines, which could have contributed to the problem, self abusive hitting on my head, not that long ago when I went thru my unspokent trama, the emotional pain, well it was more than I could handle, sorry, I'm not a super hero, I'm flawed, I can put on make up dress up real nice have my hair done and nails (if there is money to do that) I've lost weight do to, diet pills, prescribed and taken correctly and due to no hunger because of my emotional trama... Who's in control now???? I probably sound almost snyical, I usually cant stand synical people, who knew. who remembers, remembers what???? OH synical, I certainly hope that is not going to be part whom I am going to be thru this metomorphis, wouldn't that be a crock, I love people, love helping people, yeah it would nice to get money, but I love to help just for the reward of the smile of gratitude, "gut thank you's", thats what they are.
When I was young, did I say that, I am young, when I was younger, 18 or end of hight school, I wanted to become a phycisrist, now all they do is write out medication prescriptions, and hospilize people, so I've demoted what I wanted to be to MFFC or LCSW.. talk to people, listen to people.
I was joking alot yestereday about this whole demtia thing, what else you going to whine, ands say wheres the cheese,, nahhhh,, there are million jokes you can come up traveling the road that you will eventally, forget and say "road" with this blank stare. I'm not looking forward to that... Alot of you have read my blogs, Im the girl with the glass of water half full, what was full again,, thats what I feel like....Does it really matter if I have Pick's dementia, frontal lobe demtia, lewy something there I go... or does matter what caused it, I think not now, I think learning to cope, deciding it I want to go into assisted living home.... and I wanted to work in those places because I felt so bad for these people who have lost their lives, in a moment, because of cause in their brain..
What matters is how am I going to be treated, by friends,loved ones, family that one hurts, 6 grandchildren, as I was looking at my youngest yesderday, thinking what a beauitful child, no she is shes mixed mama cacasion and dad afro ameircan... Miss Makayla.. Broke my heart, and it will break my daughters heart, I wasn't availabe not like most moms when my kids were growing up, looks my mind wont be totally available, as my grandchildren are growing up. When? Where? How? espially "when" and "where" wish I had a buck for every time I say those words!
I thought I was desperate, because I was needing, still am "teeth implants" about 6 would have been good... at least when I past the mirror I would say there a pretty lady instead of oh theres a pretty lady what happened to her teeth.. OH WELL, NEVER EVER SAY IT CAN"T GET WORSE! IT CAN....
I was at the emergey last Fri I think, and they looked at me and said you seem confused, and you are dehydrated, and when did you eat your last decent meal? OUCH did I look that bad, I felt pretty bad...
What part did stress play in this, stress alway plays a part in our phisical condition??? Did my unmentioned trama, play any part in this, again, best to try and let it go.
Well I have had more postive things in here, but occasionaly I have to stick to reality and reality isn't always pretty, and nice and neat.... I have to go back to laughing and makeing jokes, its just easier....
If anyone knows of support groups, or anyone in CA that specializes, or trials being done for Picks disease, or frontal lobe demtentia, or any kind of dementia that hits you at a younger age then 65, as I said I will be 58 in about 7 months....
Please, help me with this, this is not something I have looked into much, unless I forgot.. little memory humor..
I will be a schcolar on all of it, too bad I will forget it.... Please I really am serious, or if any one out there has youner onset types of demetia, if your still able please message me where I can some support....
Thanks so much,
Kat
